That’s “Yet Another Really Bad Idea”. Arguably the worst one yet.

If you agreed with me that the electronic license plate was a bad idea, wait’ll you get a load of this one.

According to a story in The Atlantic last December, the Air Force is planning to make “a missile for the modern age”. In other words, a missile with a network connection.

The Air Force Scientific Advisory Board will be conducting a study this year on how to make it happen. Not if they should make it happen, but how.

If you don’t see why this is a bad idea, take a look at Eric Schlosser’s recent piece in The New Yorker.

My trepidations have nothing to do with who’s in charge of the military or who’s running the Department of Energy. They’re all about the path technology has taken in recent years. The first step has been to provide the network capability. Then comes the ability for “learning”. Security, if it comes at all, is a distant last.

Do we really want our missiles to talk to each other and the early warning systems and make their own decisions about whether the US is under attack? Look how well that sort of capability has worked out for “smart” thermostats that learn when you change the settings and begin to anticipate your needs. Or smoke detectors. Remember the Nest smoke detectors that all started screaming when one of the set had a false alarm–and none of the could be be shut off?

Even if the missiles remain “dumb” and the network connectivity is only used to transmit maintenance and self-test data, how long is it going to be before someone decides that security testing is unnecessary because the devices will only be connected to a private military network, or an even more restricted local-to-the-base network?

Even if we ignore the possibility of an unauthorized connection to the Internet being set up in the name of “convenience”, let’s not forget about all of the research that’s been done by the NSA and other “interested parties” on remotely accessing computers that aren’t networked at all. There’s not such thing as an unreachable computer these days if someone is willing to devote time and money to reaching it.

So someone reaches the missile through that network connection. What can they do? It’s only for maintenance, right? Are you confident that there’s no connection between the monitoring and maintenance hardware and the command and control system? I’m not. What’s the point of monitoring the missile remotely if you can’t test the functionality of the launch system?

I can’t argue against the need to update the technology behind the nuclear arsenal. There’s a limit to how much you can do to interface modern systems with 1970s technology. BART is having increasing difficulty expanding opening new stations and increasing capacity because they can’t hook up modern trains to the ancient computer systems, and I’m sure the Air Force has similar concerns about the Minuteman system.

But updating the off-missile systems does not require updating the missiles themselves. Keep them offline and make damn sure that humans stay in control of the decision loop.

Small Bites

A collection of small items that don’t seem to warrant entire posts of their own.

Engadget reported last week that, as their headline put it, “Researcher finds huge security flaws in Bluetooth locks”. Briefly, he found that twelve of sixteen locks he bought at random had either no security or absolutely horrible security. That doesn’t mean, by the way, that those remaining four locks are safe, just that the researcher, Anthony Rose, didn’t immediately find problems.

Does this come as any surprise? It shouldn’t. Given how often we’ve seen Internet of Things manufacturers give no thought whatsoever to security, the surprising thing is that four of the locks weren’t trivially hackable.

Police and alarm manufacturers will tell you that it’s impossible to actually secure your house against a break in. The goal is to make it a harder target than your neighbors’ houses. Clearly, your best bet today is to buy a bunch of Bluetooth locks–and give them to all your neighbors!

Moving on.

I said that the new Ghostbusters movie wasn’t doing as well at the box office as it deserved. Apparently Sony agrees. According to Gizmodo (among many sources), the direct loss–before figuring add-on income from licensing and merchandise–could be as much as $70 million.

As a result, plans for a sequel are on hold. Instead, Sony is focusing on an animated TV show for 2018 and an animated movie for 2019.

OK, yeah, animation is potentially cheaper than live action, especially if you don’t have to pay full price for the actors. But it does rather make Ghostbusters something of a second-tier property.

And if you’re the betting sort, the smart money says neither the TV show nor the movie will feature the women who starred in this year’s film–and then, if the animation does well, it’ll be held up as further “proof” that women can’t carry a movie without male help.

Complete change of subject.

Audi is going to launch a new feature in some of its 2017 cars. Correction: IMNSHO, it’s a misfeature. They’re going to add a countdown timer on the instrument panel and heads-up display to let drivers know when red lights will turn green.

Seriously. And if Audi does it, you know everyone else will follow suit.

I don’t know how people drive where you are–or near Audi headquarters–but around here, people stretch yellow lights well beyond any rational limit. Give drivers a timer, and they’re going to accelerate as soon as it hits zero, without even looking at the traffic light, much less checking for oncoming traffic that didn’t even enter the intersection until their light was red.

The only way this could even begin to be sensible or safe would be if automakers lock out the accelerator (and horn!) until the onboard sensors confirm that the light is green, the car in front (if any) is beginning to move, and there’s no vehicle in the intersection. I regard this as highly unlikely to happen.

So, given my grumpiness in regard to new technological “advances,” you may be surprised to hear that I’m strongly in favor of this next announcement.

According to Ford CEO Mark Fields, the company is actively developing fully autonomous cars intended for ride-hailing services. They expect to have them on the market by 2021.

I’ll be blunt here: I dislike taxis and their modern would-be successors in large part because there’s no way to know whether the driver will (just to pick a few examples at random) cross solid lines changing lanes, speed, use the mirrors before changing lanes, or come to full stops at red lights and stop signs.

There’s no guarantee that an autonomous car will drive any better than any random human–and, putting on my QA hat for a moment–you can be certain that every single automaker’s self-driving car will have buggy software.

But at least autonomous cars will be more consistent. Get in a car that drives itself, and you’ll know what to expect from the driver. I find that idea soothing.

Finally, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about this last item.

It seems that the Hacienda Mexican Restaurant chain in South Bend, Indiana thought it would be a good idea to put up billboards advertising their food as “The Best Mexican Food This Side Of The Wall.”

The signs are coming down. According to Executive Vice President Jeff Leslie, the company “didn’t expect the backlash.”

Let that sink in for a moment. This is a chain of Mexican restaurants that’s so out of touch with Hispanics, that they thought associating themselves with Trump’s Wall was a good advertising strategy.

I know the connection between an ad and the product it’s hyping is tenuous at best, but this really takes the tortilla. If the company has that big a disconnect with its roots, what are the chances that it’s food is any good at all, much less the best north of Nueva León? Small bites, indeed.