Something a little lighter than Tuesday’s discussion of Google’s plans to build the first generation of our Robot Overlords this year.
Lighter, yes–though I fear no less depressing. Sorry about that. Stop back tomorrow for cat picture therapy if you need it.
Anyway, we’re going to add another item to our list* of bad reasons to make a change.
* Did you know we had a list? I didn’t until I sat down to write this post.
We’ve already got “Because we can,” “Because the schedule says it’s time,” and “Because we need to generate artificial excitement“. Now we can add “Because everyone else is”.
That’s right, it’s the Jumping Off a Bridge model of product development.
Look, I like Pop-Tarts–specifically, the frosted blueberry variety. I make no apologies for keeping a box around for the occasional weekend breakfast, and I’ll cheerfully ignore any comments expressing dismay over my pastriotic orientation.
Really, Kellogg came up with the perfect ratio of crispy to crumbly in the pastry, just the right amount of sweetness in the filling, and an unbeatable capper in that sweet, sweet sugar frosting. Even the multi-colored sprinkles, which I initially regarded with suspicion, turned out to add a nice bit of texture.
But somebody in Kellogg Sales’ Marketing Division looked at all the lovely cash Nabisco was raking in with its Oreo flavor variants, and decided to follow suit.
They couldn’t easily do wild flavor variants. For one thing, there are only so many colors they could dye the filling. For another, there are already plenty of Pop-Tart flavors.
So they fell back on Nabisco’s other trick. If “Double Stuf” could usher in a couple of generations of “innovation” in Oreos, why couldn’t it do the same for Pop-Tarts.
The result of that high-level brainstorming? A couple of months ago, my Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tarts package gained a new banner: “Now with MORE FROSTING!”
Of course I tried them. In fact, I’ve tried three boxes, made several months apart, just to be sure the flaws in the design weren’t just aberrations in a single batch. They’re not.
Yes, there is more frosting. In fairness, there’s not very much more. The additional frosting does not overwhelm the other components as I feared it would.
But, y’know, sugar is expensive. To keep the price of a box the same, something had to change. Kellogg executives were smart enough to realize that tampering with the traditional “two pastries to a pouch” packaging would be likely to cause massive consumer dissatisfaction and rioting in the streets.
They might have gotten away with reducing boxes from eight pastries to six or shrinking the size of each Pop-Tart, but that would have meant a box redesign and cost even more money.
So they decreased the amount of filling instead.
I can’t prove it. I don’t have any “Classic Pop-Tarts” handy to measure. But to my well-trained eye, it’s obvious. And, more importantly, it’s even clearer to my teeth. Less filling + same baking time = crisper pastry.
There’s more variation in texture than before the change, but even at its best, the pastry shell is crunchier than before; at its worst, they come off as more cracker than pie crust.
And, most importantly, Kellogg missed an important part of the “Double Stuf Lesson”. When Oreo introduced their “more sugar” treat, they made it optional. You could still buy regular Oreos. You still can, even if you have to hunt through the shelves to buy them.
You can’t buy regular Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tarts (or any of the other flavors that now have MORE FROSTING!)
I don’t expect a New Coke fiasco, with Kellogg recanting and offering the two products side by side. Pop-Tarts, for all their popularity aren’t an iconic American offering like Co’cola. The outcry is likely to be limited. Probably to this blog, to be honest.
But I won’t be buying any Pop-Tart with MORE FROSTING! Which means I won’t be buying any Pop-Tarts for my weekend breakfasts any more.
That’s undoubtedly better for my physical health. But is it better for my mental well-being?
I looked around … you are not alone. The Internet is chockablock with Pop Tart fans who are unhappy with the more frosting development. I’m a plain strawberry kinda gal and was horrified to find the story of how plain, unfrosted Pop Tarts have more calories than frosted varieties (pre-more frosting). Apparently, unfrosted Pop Tarts have thicker crusts which tacks on an extra 10 calories.
And, Food & Wine magazine ranked 21 flavors of Pop Tarts … congratulations strawberry!
It has been years and I am so hungry for a Pop Tart right now.
Good to know I’m not alone. Perhaps it’s not too late to get Kellogg’s to change their minds. Perhaps I’m a dreamer.
I must admit, I’d have a hard time getting exercised over a matter of 10 calories. Or, I suppose, even 20 calories per pouch.
I won’t encourage you to break a years-long streak–but I won’t criticize you if you do.
And speaking of streaks, congratulations to your Os for their two game winning streak and double-digit victory count. It may not feel like much, but it’s a start, right?
Strawberry Pop Tarts carry baggage (beyond that annoying extra 10 calories). What if they’re not as wonderful as I remember? What if the recipe has changed? What if my taste buds have changed? What if I’m just too old now to enjoy Pop Tarts with the same savoring devotion that I did when I was 12? Maybe I should just stick the with the memories? (Screw it, I’m getting a box and if this experience goes bad, I’ll blame you.)
Yes, 10 wins! We’re on pace now for 44 wins … whoop! whoop! The real whoop-whoops are for your M’s and James Paxton’s no hitter this week. Awesomeness.
You can’t go home again, but you can eat Pop-Tarts again. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for a good experience, but if it’s otherwise, I’ll be happy to refer you to my lawyer to help you with a suit against Kellogg Sales for spoiling your childhood memories. I don’t know if she takes pastry-ment, but it can’t hurt to ask.
And Paxton’s had quite the couple of weeks, hasn’t he? Landing deck for a bald eagle, a sixteen strikeout appearance, and the no hitter. Looking forward to his next start on Sunday.
In the meantime, go Ms and go Os! Pity they’re playing at the same time again today.
Okay, you got me: “Pastriotic?” I couldn’t let that go by without investigation- and, that’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back. You owe me.
Sorry about that. It was actually an independent coinage, and I didn’t even think to check for prior use.
Now that you’ve prompted me, though… That is quite the experience, isn’t it? I wouldn’t have thought of Elvis as a patriotic figure, but the Elvis donut is great. I love the sprinkle eyebrows.
(For anyone who’s too lazy to Google it: http://www.pastriotic.com Don’t miss the Teddy Roosevelt bear claw!)