Justice Rhubarb

There’s been some speculation in the press lately that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg might step down due to her health.

True or not, sooner or later, there will be a vacancy in the Supreme Court, and with the current polarization of the legislative and executive branches of the government, it’s going to be a long, difficult process to fill that seat. I propose that the Powers What Is not wait for the vacancy to occur. Begin considering candidates now and anoint a “justice-in-waiting” who will be able to step in and be productive immediately.

And, of course, I have a candidate to propose.

He’s politically neutral, has no questionable religious leanings, is not a member of any of the largest ethnic groups in the US, and is not beholden to any special interest–except his stomach.

Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in urging that Rhubarb’s appointment to the Supreme Court be fast-tracked.

No, he’s not a lawyer, but I’d argue that the court has any number of legal experts who can explain the letter of the law; Rhubarb can then interpret the law on the basis of common sense, rather than legal precedent dating back to the Eighteenth Century.

“But can he handle the job?” I hear you ask.

Of course he can! Observe:

r1“You want me to settle an argument?”

r2“I’m finding your argument less than persuasive.”

r3“Is this guy ever going to shut up?”

r4“Petition denied.”

See? Nothing to it!

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