Try Harder Next Time

My Twitter-inspired post about the types of spam I get reminded me that it’s been entirely too long since I cleaned out my folder of amusing spam. Since I was talking about sales on Tuesday, I’ll continue the theme and remedy the lack of spam in your diets.

Let’s start with a bit of meta-amusement. This spam was submitted as a comment on an earlier collection of amusing spam. Clearly the poster was inspired to improve on the examples in that post.

Today’s dryers can partially iron your dried clothes in your case. While shown to be quite effective for deterring mosquitoes and other insects and somewhat effective for deterring ticks, there are possible perils associated with using caffeine itself. If you can’t find eye bolts, dowels, nuts & washers with your local store, it’s better to purchase them online. The price for this dryer is around $500, also it comes with a good amount of features.

Given how rarely the content of a spam comment has anything to do with the product being sold, I was amazed to see that this one was selling washing machines. It’s unclear to me whether he’s canibalizing his sales by suggesting you get your washers at a local store, but it’s nice of him to offer an alternative. I think he’s recommending caffeine as a detergent additive, but if so, I’d appreciate some guidance on the proper soap/caffeine ratio.

It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

Again, attached to a previous post about spam. So, Mr. Spammer, your request has been granted! And no, I’m not going to direct my readers to your blog. As best I can tell, none of them read Tagalog, so your wall of advertisements wouldn’t mean much to them.

free baby coupons

I’m not sure what babies have to do with questionable business advice. More to the point: what if I don’t need a free baby?

It is not easy to convince individuals to uproot their lives and businesses. I am surrounded by children that are pale skinned, allergic klutzes and, much to their displeasure, they inherited these genes from me.

Maybe if you stopped selling fraudulent homeopathic remedies* and got your kids actual medical help, they wouldn’t be in such poor shape. Heck, sending them outside to play instead of keeping them inside stuffing untested herbal remedies into pill bottles would help too.

* Yes, I know that’s a redundancy. Some things need emphasis.

The only way it can fail is if your husband isn’t really cheating and you were just a little paranoid. India, being the biggest democracy of the world, provides us with the right to take part in the ongoing political, social, environmental events that take place around us. Usually partners are swayed to cheat when their sexual attention is overlooked and when sexual needs remain unfullfilled.

I’m guessing that you don’t consider watching pornographic videos to be cheating, since that’s what you’re selling. Or is my assumption that you’re trying to cause your customers to overlook their partners’ sexual needs more than just a little paranoid? Where does India come into this, by the way? Your videos appear to be primarily Japanese, and your website is hosted in Germany. Are dirty movies political, social, or environmental?

Hello. Ok, i’ll introduce the author. His name is Romeo Basil. Illinois is his birth place and he doesn’t be sure to consider changing that. What he loves doing is croquet but they are struggling locate time because of it. Dispatching has been my normal work for quite a while and also the salary is really fulfilling.

Actually, no. I’m the author of the post, thank you very much, and I’ve never met Mr. Basil. That said, I’m pleased to hear he’s not planning to change his birthplace; I’m sure his parents and the Social Security Administration are delighted to hear it as well. If he loves croquet, but can’t find the time for it, maybe he should consider going professional. I’m not sure what the typical earnings for full-time croquet players are these days, but they’re probably no worse than the typical spammer’s earnings. And, since you’re such a good friend of Basil, maybe you can cut him a deal on airport parking as he flies around the world competing in croquet tournaments.

4 thoughts on “Try Harder Next Time

  1. Of course I’m not surprised that there are others, besides me, who take the time to read incoming spam (and engage scammy telemarketers in conversation). I’m always disappointed when spammers seem to not even try … just cutting and pasting gibberish. That’s not good spamming.

    But, the one I received this morning made me smile. And, I thought you would enjoy it too, since you appreciate a good well-crafted spam. It was to the point … and clear as can be:

    “I have no idea what you have said.”

    Thanks, Spam Man. And, quite a coincidence, since I often have no idea what I’m saying either.



    • I know what you mean about the cut and paste monsters. Have you been getting the one who’s so unclear on the concept that he does a copy/paste of all of the alternatives in the pre-written spams? It starts like this: “{I have|I’ve} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4}
      hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.” and runs on for pages. Now that’s lousy spamming.

      I love your new friend. He’s not afraid to tell it like it is. And his comment clearly tells us at least as much about him as it does about your writing. 😉 Out of curiosity, what was he trying to sell? Please tell me it was “intelligence boosting” herbal supplements!


      • Yes! I love those “MadLibs” spammers! And, I love that someone somewhere took the time to create a build-a-comment toolkit for spammers, yet no one has yet figured out how to use it properly.

        My Spam Man, I believe, was offering me cash to sell all my gold to him. So, really, one of your more high-end spammies.


        • I’m guessing that the documentation for the build-a-comment software costs extra, and your typical would-be spammer doesn’t want to cut into his massive profits.

          As for Spam Man, gotta admire that optimism. Why wouldn’t you send all your gold jewelry to some semi-anonymous “dealer” in a foreign country? I mean, it’s not like there’s anyone offering that service at a storefront in your very own neighborhood.


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