An Apple a Day

Here we are at Apple Announcement Day again. Ready for my usual cynical take on the latest hype out of Cupertino? Too bad, you’re getting it anyway.

Apple had three and a half things to announce. Let’s take them in order. For the record, all quotes are from Apple’s “Event” as reported by Ars Technica. If there are any misquotes, please blame Ars, not me. I’ll take responsibility for my misinterpretations, though.

As everyone expected, we’ve got two new iPhones, the 6 and the 6 Plus. They’re bigger than any previous iPhone and have have higher resolution screens than any previous iPhone. Will someone please wake me up when the size wars are over?

Apps written specifically for the new phones can use the extra screen space to display more information, while apps written for the iPhone 5 (and presumably older phones as well) will automatically scale up and just look larger. I’m not sure how well that’s actually going to work out. The aspect ratios on the new phones are slightly different, and neither one is the same as the iPhone 5, let alone earlier devices. Given Apple’s horror of visual sloppiness, I suspect they’ll work around it by turning off a few pixels at the edge of the display.

The new phones will support landscape orientation. With the capability there, users are going to demand that apps use it. That means developers who support the new phones’ screens will have to code for four new resolutions, not two. Lucky them! More new icons, more new screen layouts, more QA engineers trying to figure out how to do more testing in less time. And, of course, more new customer complaints. Fun!

Hey, here’s a new feature that actually is innovative, as far as I can tell. Apple designed the new phones with an eye towards one-handed operation (and I’ll skip the obvious jokes here). One of the key aspects is “Reachability”: double-tap the TouchID button and the screen will scroll down to bring the top half into reach. Nice idea, but I wonder how easy it will be to double-tap the button with the same hand you’re holding the phone with.

Nor do I envy Apple’s QA team, who have to explore the interaction of Reachability with landscape orientation. One hopes that when the phone is rotated, the screen slides horizontally, not vertically… For the sake of the poor third-party developers and QA, I really, really, hope that the OS handles this functionality transparently. If it needs to be coded and tested in every app, there are going to be a lot of missed shipping dates.

There are, of course, tweaks to the camera. Most of them sound incremental, but I do like the sound of the optical stabilization on the 6 Plus: the lens will actually move to counter your hand jiggle. Should make for a whole new level of sharpness in drunken selfies.

The new phones will be up for pre-order this Friday at prices ranging from $199 for a 16GB 6 to $499 for a fully-loaded 128GB 6 Plus. After the obligatory crash of Apple’s servers, expect scam sales to show up on eBay Saturday. Actual shipments will start the following Friday.

Oh, and iOS 8 will start going out to customers a week from tomorrow. Developers and QA folks who want to see how your apps behave under the GM build*, keep waiting. It’s not available yet. Have fun with your last-minute checkouts.

* For those of you who are not steeped in the technological tea, “GM” has nothing to do with the auto maker. It stands for “Golden Master,” and it’s the final beta release, which is supposed to be identical to what actually goes to customers. Sort of the software equivalent of showing the final draft of an e-mail to a friend before you send it to your boss. Apple hopes the developers examining the GM build will find the show-stopper bugs, just like you hope your friend will find the typo that changes your purchase request into a grievous insult.

Moving on.

Announcement Number Two is “Apple Pay”. Apple reminds us that credit cards are insecure and inconvenient. Instead, use your new iPhone 6 to store all of your credit cards and bank accounts, and pay by tapping the phone against a kiosk.

That’s gotta be more secure, right? Especially because Apple has been “working with retailers like Target” to enable Apple Pay for online purchases too!

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the security of your information is only as good as (a) the security of your phone (we all know that there are never any security vulnerabilities in Apple’s software, right) and (b) the retailers and credit card processors (nobody could possibly crack the security on Target’s servers. Or Home Depot’s. Or Visa’s.)

Seriously, all this does is remove one point of vulnerability (the card reader) in exchange for adding a new one (the phone and its secure storage) while increasing the attractiveness of the credit card processors as targets for hacking.

Moving on again.

Then we have Apple’s most-eagerly awaited announcement. The iWatch. Oh, wait. It’s the “Apple Watch”. Kudos to Tim Cook and the gang for not forcing another “capital letter in the middle of the name” name on our long-suffering spell-checkers.

Regardless of the name, it’s coming in early 2015 at prices “starting at $349”–we’ll find out what the upper range is later. Don’t expect it to be cheap: one version of the Apple Watch has an 18K gold case, “designed to be twice as hard as standard gold”. Apparently Apple’s signed some kind of deal with Mother Nature to produce unusually hard gold. Nice!

While your figuring out how to finance your watch, don’t forget to budget for a new phone. Unless you’ve got an iPhone 5 or newer, you’ll need to pick up an iPhone, because the Apple Watch isn’t a standalone. It needs the phone to do anything, apparently. Fortunately, when the 6 and 6 Plus go on sale, the price of a 5s will drop to $99, and for the real cheapskates among us, the 5c will drop to $0–with the usual two-year contract, of course.

Even if you’re a cheapskate and get the entry-level Apple Watch and a free 5c, expect to experience “new intimate ways to communicate with your wrist”. I don’t know about you, but I don’t let my wrist speak on my behalf.

There also a “new way for you to connect intimately with others.” Tap your watches together to share information. Lovely. So much more intimate than talking…

It’s got a new paradigm for interaction: you twist the crown! Never mind that people have been interacting with their watches by twisting the crown for at least 150 years. It’s no longer about setting the time. Now the crown is for scrolling and zooming! Oh, and clicking to return to the home screen. A revolution in UI! There’s a lot of twisting involved, it seems. No word from Apple on how (or even if) the Apple Watch accommodates lefties, or anyone who prefers to wear their watch on their right arm.

Of course, the Apple Watch has a variety of sensors built in to monitor your health. Apple wants to keep you healthy so you can continue to buy their merchandise. The watch will monitor your activity, estimate calories burned, track how often you stand up, and suggest “personal, realistic, achievable [exercise] goals”. Oh, and share the information it gathers with the Health app on your phone so that your health-care provider can stay informed about your progress.

I’d be the first to admit that I could stand to lose some weight, but I don’t want my watch nagging me to get more exercise. I’m a lazy slug, yes, but if my watch starts interrupting my thought processes to remind me to stand up and walk around the office, it’s the watch that’s going to get sprinkled with salt.

Apple also took pains to talk about third-party apps that are already in development for the Apple Watch. First on their list: Starwood Hotels. Their app will let your watch work as your room key. Um. Yay? What’s the range of this thing, anyway? I’d prefer that my door not get unlocked every time I walk to the bathroom.

Oh, and don’t forget that Apple Pay works with your Apple Watch. Twirl that crown to select your credit card, and tap the watch against the payment kiosk to pay for your groceries. Careful! Don’t get too close to the kiosk while you’re bagging. Wouldn’t want to pay for the next guy’s groceries too!

Hey, can I tap my watch against yours on the subway to share credit card information?

Moving along, one last time.

The half announcement was, of course, music-related. Because “music is in Apple’s DNA.” U2’s new album, “Sounds of Innocence”, is an iTunes exclusive from now until mid-October. And it’s free. Or it will be whenever they put it up. Despite the statement that it will be “available throughout the day” I’m not seeing it yet. No worries, it sounds like it’ll be free at least until the Apple exclusive expires. Whether it’s worth the price is another question, but I’ll leave that to fans of the band.

5 thoughts on “An Apple a Day

    • Hang in there. Your iPhone 5 contract should be running out shortly, so you can move up to a 5s for $99. Or go ahead and get your Apple Watch (which will work with the 5) and in a year, Apple will announce the iPhone 6s (5.5 inch, full HD screen) and iPhone 6s Plus (6 inch, Quadruple HD screen and bundled helium balloon to help you support something that large next to your ear.)

      There’s never a good time to buy a phone. You’re *always* getting outdated technology because by the time the phone hits the market, the seller is well into the design of the next model.

      One thing Apple didn’t make clear today, but which we’ll certainly be learning over the next week, is how much of the new functionality will be general to iOS 8 and how much is specific to the new phones. My guess is that Apple Pay will be for the new phones, since the current ones don’t have the necessary NFC hardware, but they might get the landscape support.

      Something to consider as the size wars continue: With tablet sales declining and iPhones getting physically larger, how long will Apple continue to support the iPad Mini?

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      • Whew. As long as the dang thing rings and I can hear whoever calls. I don’t have a contract on my cell phone! Didn’t want to be stuck.

        When I heard about the size of the phone, it put me in mind of old Mad Magazine articles, when new stuff got so advanced, it went retro. Glad you can keep up!

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      • I’m far from the only person to note that no matter what exciting (or “exciting”) new features the manufacturers add to their phones, better call quality is never on the list.

        Apple did announce that the 6 and 6 Plus will be able to do voice over Wi-Fi, so you can make and receive calls when you don’t have a phone signal but you do have Wi-Fi. Somehow they neglected to mention whether such calls would sound any better than regular calls…

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  1. Pingback: Some People Never Learn | Koi Scribblings

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