Not So Swift

We’re overdue for another look at the link between cats and crime. In the past, we’ve focused on the feline criminal masterminds. Lately, though, there’s been a run of not-so-criminal-mastermind cats. (Yes, the ambiguity there is deliberate. You’ll see.)

Consider the tale of “Mercy“. Last Christmas, Mercy decided to change her living quarters. She enlisted the help of one James Boyce to spirit her away from her previous domicile and deliver her to her new home. (For those of you who didn’t read the article, Boyce has been convicted of stealing Mercy from a neighbor and giving her to his mother as a Christmas gift.) Not a bad plan on Mercy’s part, really. Her only error was in selecting a henchman who was too easily identified. Considering that she was less than a year old at the time, her error can be excused on the grounds of inexperience. It could be argued that she also erred in not choosing new quarters further away from the old ones, but I’m inclined to give her a pass on that. According to the report, she has returned to the her original home. Presumably, she’ll have a more robust plan the next time she decides to move.

Next, we turn to a case that raises more questions than it answers. According to The Sentinel, Someone broke into an apartment in Cobridge sometime around Christmas. Adding insult to injury, a neighbor saw the broken door, walked in, and stole several DVDs. When the inhabitants returned, they found that “the room had been trashed. A cat was found in the living room that did not belong to them.” Questions: Did the cat break down the front door, or did he just take advantage of someone else’s work, in the same way the DVD thief did? Was the cat present when the DVDs were stolen? If so, did he tempt the thief into the criminal act, or did he chase him out before he could steal anything else? Who trashed the flat: the original burglar, the DVD thief, or–assuming there were three individuals involved–the cat? How stupid did the cat have to be to get caught? Given the usual clutter and chaos in student-occupied spaces, he could have easily hidden and lived there for years rent free!

On a related note, Cleveland.com is reporting that a woman was recently robbed of $10,000 of jewelry. According to the story, there were no signs of forced entry, but there was a window “slightly ajar”. The critical piece of information here: her cat was found in the basement with the door closed. It seems clear that this was an inside job: most likely, the cat stole the jewelry and hid it somewhere outside, then locked itself in the basement in a transparent attempt to provide itself with an alibi. Hopefully the woman and the police will keep an eye on the cat and keep an eye on its finances. Arrest that cat before it blows all of its ill-gotten gains on catnip!

Let’s close with a cheerful story. Keysnews.com reports that a woman recently used a vacuum cleaner to chase an intruder out of her house. When police located the suspected housebreaker, they were able to link him to the crime partly because his clothes were smeared with cat droppings, which they were able to match to a smeared pile of droppings the woman’s cat had left on the floor. That’s right, we’ve got a cat who’s on the right side of the law, helping police catch criminals! How rare!

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