I think it’s time for another spam post. Sorry, no recipes involving toilet bowl cleaner this time, but we’ve got a few things almost as tasty.

Most of the spam comments showing up these days seem to be pushing designer goods. Or, more likely, counterfeit designer goods. One has to admire their creativity. Today, for example, somebody posted this message: “which are a part of every room because Various spaceships will attack you as you move between planets. and a gorgeous goody bag to take home. Until that happens,.” I’m sure I don’t need to explain that he was selling Michael Kors merchandise. What, you mean it’s not obvious? I thought everyone knew that Michael Kors purses were the perfect shipping container for whatever is left of your body after a spaceship attack.

Then there’s a delightful ode to Jimmy Choo shoes and wallets. Most of it seems to be a paragraph about Supercross motorcycle racing that has been run through an automatic translation a few times too many. This sentence is perhaps most telling:

Anyone new to race cars, in particular bicycles as well as the menstrual cycles, you will have Jimmy Choo store trouble distinguishing forwards and backwards.

Indeed, if you have trouble distinguishing “bi” from “menstrual” when it comes to cycles, you will indeed have trouble. What it all has to do with shoes remains unclear to me.

There was a period of about a week when the spam was dominated by come-ons for payday loans. My favorite? Easy!

Amazon’s too kinda inexplicably stirred the sliding force where the almost ravening ebook readers bouncy?

Ravening ebook readers? Sign me up! Can I borrow enough money to get bouncy with Amazon too?

I admire the honesty of the loan arranger who wanted to assure us that “Loans are the poor-term immediate it’s very casual, rock-steady and identical libertine.” I decided not to refinance the house with him when he went on to note that “The primary borrower along with the co-signer, who is required to be borrowed.” Somehow, I just didn’t think Maggie would appreciate being loaned out.

Loan pitches were followed by online gambling ads. One of the first was from somebody who had a very interesting notion of how gambling works:

Certainly Blackjack will Facilitate the Arse transmission line of the Racetrack operators […] that will wreak them to their terminus.

Well, yes, I can sort of see where he’s going with this. But then he continues:

So cross your fingers, say of sexually abusing his daughter from ages 10 to 11. paypal casino Read the all right incentive is referred to as a tally bonus.

Really? I wonder if Google’s child porn filter team is onto this one.

I think this ad sums up the state of online gambling very well. It read, in its entirety:

Enligt mig är det inte ens värt jobbet att läsa resten av argumenten, det sket sig ju liksom i början.

Translated from the Swedish, that’s “According to me it is not even worth the job to read the rest of the arguments, it crapped out after all, as in the beginning.”

Moving on.

Apparently lip balm is wonderful stuff. “Say good-bye to test anxiety be sure to use a lip balm or chapstick to protect them from cancer.” It protects against cancer and test anxiety? Nice! Where can I get some? Not from this seller, it seems. He’s actually pushing his line of acne removal products. Priorities, man, priorities! Save the world from test anxiety first, then worry about pimples.

Fortunately, there are some advertisers who understand that you catch more flies sell more product with honey than vinegar. This enterprising entrepreneur demonstrates:

You will be truly a beneficial web marketer. Your website filling quickness will be awesome. It seems that you are carrying out every special technique. Furthermore, This belongings tend to be must-see. you must have done an excellent course of action with this theme!

I’m not quite sure what my awesome writing and web marketing skills have to do with the “iPhone app building info” he’s selling, but I’m almost flattered enough to overlook the fact that the sample information on his website is obviously taken straight out of Apple’s iOS development kit.

Finally, as we move deep into the holiday gift-giving season, remember to buy plenty of Ugg boots. After all:

In this, a virus that also causes chicken pox affects the skin and creates bands of blisters which are full of liquid, pus, etc.

I know I want a pair, and I’m sure all of my friends will too!