More Criminal Activity

A while back, I reported on criminal cats, ones who were either engaged in criminal activities on the own behalf, or who were acting as the “brains behind the operation,” and forcing humans to commit criminal acts.

Sad to say, not much has changed. Cats continue to ignore the law and do whatever they want, regardless of the negative impact it may have on the humans around them.

The latest such criminal is “Oyster”. As The Mirror reports, earlier this week, the orange villain boarded a train on the London Underground–without paying. Not content to merely deprive the system of the £3.20 rush hour adult fare, he then compounded the offense. The perfectly healthy feline monopolized a seat that should have been offered to someone more in need.

The feline scofflaw was not wearing a microchip, leading officials to believe that he has been living on the streets and fueling speculation that this is not his first offense.

Fortunately, Oyster was placed under citizen’s arrest by a fare-paying Tube traveller. Oyster is currently incarcerated at the Battersea Dogs and Cats Home. Authorities believe he will be sentenced to time served and hope to release him into home arrest under the supervision of a responsible human.

Hopefully whoever adopts Oyster will be of strong moral character and will be able to stand firm when he inevitably attempts to lead them into criminal activities on his behalf.


Meanwhile, Man Cave Daily notes that cats kill somewhere between 8 and 20.7 billion animals every year in the U.S. Those numbers are only for direct kills, and do not include cases where cats have found human minions to do their dirty work. Consider the case of Annamarie Cochrane Rintala who was strangled in 2010. The prime suspect in her death is her wife, Cara Rintala. A previous attempt to try Cara Rintala for murder ended in a mistrial. Her defense lawyers in the current retrial are asking that investigators consider other suspects based on the fact that cat hairs were found on victim’s body, but the couple did not own a cat. The lawyers suggest that another suspect who does own a cat should receive additional scrutiny. Oddly enough, however, no one appears to be suggesting that–despite centuries of evidence that cats kill humans by sucking their breath–the cat might be the actual murderer. In fact, as best I can tell from the stories, nobody is even looking for the cat that left the hairs behind.


In that earlier article, I mentioned Norris, a notorious feline thief in Bristol. Apparently word of his success in avoiding punishment despite multiple thefts is inspiring imitators throughout the former British Empire. Bluebell in Wokingham and Loki in Blenheim, NZ are both following in Norris’ pawprints, stealing clothing and small objects from the neighbors and forcing their human pawns to go to great effort to return the stolen goods.


And yet, it appears that Australia is actually lowering barriers to potentially criminal felines entering the country. Previously, all cats were required to spend a month in quarantine; that limit is being reduced to a mere 10 days. As Oyster shows, making it easier for the fuzzy reprobates to travel can only encourage them to escalate their crimes. I predict a surge in feline criminal activity Down Under as more cats, encouraged by the shorter stay behind bars, enter the country.

6 thoughts on “More Criminal Activity

    • Indeed. Though I have not found any actionable evidence that Norris, Bluebell, and Loki are aliases for Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, and Griddlebone, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they slip up and reveal their true identities.

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  1. It occurs to me that a certain notorious mobster of our acquaintance does, with the exception of his girth, seem uncannily similar to a certain Bustopher Jones. Perhaps because he, after escaping to the colonies, no longer has access to his St. James Street clubs? Hmmmm.

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  2. Pingback: They’re At It Again | Koi Scribblings

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