Season Liberally With Tears

Tears of sorrow, tears of joy.

Feel free to skip ahead to the playoff discussion if you want to avoid the depressing bits.

And so another season comes to an end. Ten of the 30 teams move on to the playoffs. Fans of the other 20 teams crawl into bed, pull their team-colors blankets over their heads and mutter darkly about what went wrong.

I’ve talked a lot about hope this year, and will again. Just not quite yet, thanks. First there’s that “crawl into bed” period to get through. For most fans, it’ll last a couple of days. Then there will be some news about their team that can be interpreted as hopeful, and they’ll emerge from under the covers in time to watch the World Series while talking up “next year”. For others, it’ll take a bit longer.

Let’s compare a couple of examples. Can I have some volunteers from the audience, please? Thank you. You, there, the San Francisco Giants and, let’s see, how about you, the Seattle Mariners. I want to assure all of you that I have in fact never met either of these teams, and they are most assuredly not shills planted in the audience.

The Giants won the World Series last year. This year, with essentially the same team, things didn’t go quite as well and the team finished with a less-than-stellar 76-86 record. That puts them in a tie with San Diego for the 18th best record in baseball, just a smidge below the middle of the pack. I won’t go into what went wrong — even if I could adequately summarize it in the space available, it would deprive the fans of a winter of argumentfriendly discussion. Let’s just note that the Giants have a reasonably solid core that needs some fortification. Sunday they announced that they had driven a truck loaded with dollar bills onto Hunter Pence’s front lawn, thereby preventing a major piece of that core from heading to free agency. They’ve also formally stated that they’re loading another truck and programming its GPS for Tim Lincecum’s front yard. In short, they’ve got money and they’re not afraid to spend it where they think it will do the most good. Perhaps even more importantly, ownership, the general manager, and the manager* are clearly aligned on what to do next. Giants fans can come out from under the covers in time for tonight’s first playoff game (Cincinnati at Pittsburgh).

* For the uninitiated, the general manager is a suit-wearing guy who sits in an office; his (well, it’s usually a him) responsibility is the team’s strategy, as expressed via (among other things) draft choices, free agent signings, and managerial hiring. The manager is a uniform-wearing guy who sits on the field with the players; his (it’s always a him) responsibility is the team’s tactics. In most other sports, he would be referred to as the “head coach”.

Meanwhile, back in Seattle, the team finished the season on the losing end of a 9-0 blowout. Their 71-91 record is the 25th best (or fifth worst, if you prefer a smaller number) in baseball. Management is clearly completely unaligned on what to do next. The manager last year rejected a one year contract extension for 2014. The front office did nothing to counter rumors during the season that the manager would be fired. The departing manager wanted (he says) to develop the team’s prospects while bringing in a core of players in their peak years via trade and free agency. The general manager and ownership have been quiet on what their plan is, but over the past few years they have brought in a large number of older players nearing retirement while the prospects have been rushed to the majors and forced to learn on the job.

The general manager was given a one year contract extension; that puts him squarely into “win or you’re history” territory. That encourages him to overspend for free agents and trade away the promising rookies and prospects in the hope of assembling a group of individuals that will overcome their lack of cohesion to win more games than they lose. Sort of the baseball equivalent of selling the car you use to get to work to put a down payment on a house — and then getting an ARM loan with a huge balloon payment. Even if he doesn’t fall into that trap, he has to find a new manager who will want to take what’s likely to be a one year position (if the general manager doesn’t come through and is not renewed, his replacement will want his own choice for manager) while simultaneously trying to convince useful free agents to come to a team in disarray.

Mariners fans may be staying under those covers until next August when the general manager is let go. Or maybe until the following Christmas, when a new one is hired, too late to do anything useful at the annual winter meetings.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? That would be the logical thing to do, but religion is rarely logical. Most of them will be out of their bed-caves by mid-February when pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training. (One more than half is “most”, right?)

OK, we’re done with the depressing bits, I think. Let’s talk about the playoffs.

This year the five teams in each league with the best records have actually made the playoffs* (although the AL had to extend the season by a game to give Tampa Bay the opportunity to beat Texas to make that true.) In the NL, we’ve got Atlanta, St. Louis, LA, Pittsburgh, and Cincinnati. The AL has Boston, Detroit, Oakland, Cleveland, and Tampa Bay.

* That doesn’t always happen: the winner of a weak division may have a worse record than the number two or three team in a strong division. Until last year, only four teams made the playoffs from each league; the addition of a second wild card team should help cut down on top teams not making the playoffs, but it’s not a guarantee. Even last year with the second wild card in place, Tampa Bay (90-72) and the LA Angels (89-73) didn’t make the playoffs, but Detroit did at 88-74. Mind you, Detroit won the American League Championship before losing the World Series to San Francisco, so having the best regular season record doesn’t exactly set you up for assured success in the playoffs. Maybe they should just hold a lottery for the last wild card spot? But I digress.

You have to root for someone: that’s part of the sporting experience, not something unique to the religion of baseball. So how does the poor, suffering fan of one of the other 20 teams choose who to root for? Allow me to propose a few simple rules to help out:

  1. You must not root for any team that has been promoted as “America’s Team” or otherwise held up by its owners and/or the media as the ultimate expression of the sport. (A universal rule. In football, that eliminates Dallas, Washington, and (IMNSHO) Oakland.) So that means Atlanta is off the list. (In other, less happy years, that would also eliminate the Yankees.) I’d also include Boston on this list (sorry, Maggie), given the worship ESPN has lavished on them in recent years.
  2. You should not root for a team from your own team’s division. This is a contentious rule. Note that it is expressed as a “should”, rather than a “must”. The thinking here is that overcoming your normal antipathy for a rival is likely to bring you into unsafe proximity to that team’s fans. See the recent mixing of Dodgers and Giants fans for an extreme example of why this is a bad idea.
  3. That said, you really ought to root for somebody from your own league. If nothing else, crossing from the NL to the AL would require you to accept the designated hitter; going the other way would force you to watch pitchers try to hit. Either way, it’s sure to induce nightmares and insomnia.
  4. Teams with a record of futility get bonus points in the decision process. Pittsburgh is the clear leader here, as they’re making their first playoff appearance since 1992. NL Central fans who can’t root for the Pirates can look to the Dodgers, making their first playoff trip since 2009. Over in the AL, your best bet is Cleveland, who haven’t seen the post-season since 2007. Royals, Twins, and White Sox fans have a problem. They can’t root for the division-rival Indians or Tigers, we’ve already eliminated the Red Sox from consideration by anyone outside of Boston, and Oakland made the playoffs last year. That leaves them with Tampa Bay, who made the playoffs the year before last, which is not exactly ancient history. Still, they’re better off than they would have been if Texas had beaten Tampa Bay last night. Since Texas made the playoffs last year, those AL Central fans wouldn’t have had anyone to root for, and would have been denied the privilege of attending services.

Me? By the rules, I should be rooting for Cleveland. Unfortunately, I can’t summon up any emotion in support of the Indians. That being the case, I’m going to invoke my secondary loyalties to the Giants and Mets (74-88, squarely between the Giants’ and Mariners’ records) to allow me to cross the Great Divide between the leagues and root for the Pirates.

Assuming I can even see the TV from under my blankets.

13 thoughts on “Season Liberally With Tears

  1. I like your playoff rules … I sort of followed the same logic. I’m an Orioles fan (with a little on the side for the Giants). So, Red Sox are off the table (and too Stinky McBeardington’ed for my support anyway). If the Red Sox play Tampa, I’ll root for a hurricane to just wipe us all out and cancel the rest of the season. I ultimately went with A’s. Dodgers were tempting — as an Orioles fan, watching the Dodgers (and Yankees) is like driving through a rich neighborhood and ogling over the pools and Porsches. But, even crummy baseball is better than no baseball. I guess.


    • Greetings and welcome, even if you are going with the As. Everyone is allowed one mistake…

      As for the hurricane, well, if an earthquake that forced the Bay Area to spend $6 billion on a new bridge couldn’t stop the playoffs, no hurricane is going to pull that trick off.


      • I ultimately went A’s because I still have my 1989 “Battle of the Bay” World Series tee-shirt from the earthquake series. (True Confession: I wasn’t rooting for the A’s in that one.) But, at least I have a tee-shirt that says A’s on it. And, as an O’s fan, it’s really just an easy vowel thing. Really, I’ll just root for whomever is playing Tampa and/or Boston! I’m enjoying your posts … I look forward to the next one(s)!


        • I hadn’t considered the importance of a tangible signal of your affiliation in choosing an alternate rooting interest. I’ll have to figure out a way to factor that into the rules next year. (Just wait until next year!)


  2. Logic seems to play no role whatever in deciding the behavior of baseball fans. I mean, why does anyone care in the first place which band of total strangers makes more circles than the other around 4 sandbags? So I don’t feel bad admitting that I am going to violate all the rules of root, and hope Oakland takes it all. Here’s an organization that year after year puts a very good team on the field, at bargain-basement prices, and true, they can’t afford to keep players long enough for fans to develop Raul-Raul-like attitudes toward, but hey, you can’t have it all. And for good measure, this team is currently under the management of a guy who allegedly wasn’t good enough to manage the Mariners. So, go A’s. You’ve earned your shot.


    • I had a feeling you were going to bring up the As. I got no way to enforce the rules, so you’ll get away with your violation — and at least you’re not violating rule 1. The As seem to take a kind of perverse pride in not being a universal favorite.

      Shall we agree to hope for a Pittsburgh/Oakland Series, and cordially disagree about the validity of the outcome over dinner next month (there’s bound to be at least one bad call that we can use to argue that the other team shoulda won it all)?


  3. Yes. Post-seasonal Affective Disorder (“PAD”). All week, I’ve felt as though a friend had died. Not a good friend, mind, but somebody I’ll miss. I keep turning on our local sports station, not in the hope that there will be a game on- I’m not that far gone, not quite- but maybe they’ll be talking about baseball. They’re not. They’re talking about football, a game about which I am indifferent, save for the new “concussion” discussions. Now, they’re talking about football some more. Sometimes they talk about basketball, a sport toward which I have nothing but antipathy. I feel like my dealer has gotten religion and won’t sell me any more dope, offering me an energy drink, instead. DON’T THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND I NEED TO HEAR TALK ABOUT BASEBALL???? WHY HAVE THEY STOPPED TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL???
    Okay, that’s enough of that. Sorry. The Playoffs will help. The A’s look to be in it again, and I’ll swallow my pride and root for them. God help me, I have no choice.
    Isn’t there some way to just be put in storage until Spring Training?


    • Don’t forget hockey. This time of year we get 30 seconds or so on the Sharks every now and then. (Full disclosure: I enjoy watching football and hockey, but am not a fan. I doubt I’d miss them much if they went away. Basketball leaves me completely cold.)

      I think renting a unit at the local storage facility is the logical next step up from the bed-cave. Worth considering, especially if there’s enough power to run a TV and vcr loaded with tapes from the glory years (whenever those were for ).

      Playoffs. Right. That’ll hopefully carry us through to the Winter Meetings, which should then give us a enough of a boost to make it to Spring Training. Ah, the advantages of a six month season!


  4. Last year I discovered that my rules were:
    Rule (1) Root first for the team closest to where you grew up
    Rule (2) Root second for the team closest to the town you’re living in.
    Rule (3) If they both end up playing in the World Series, wear two hats on game days and feel inexpressibly smug.

    This year in the AL I’m rooting for Detroit by Rule (1), Oakland by Rule (2), then Boston because of Rule (4): Root for any team you were in geographical proximity to at some point in your life. In the NL I’m rooting for Pittsburgh by Rule (5): Root for the underdogs, but I’m rooting against Cincinnati by Rule (6): Root against any team from a state your Rule (1) team is adjacent to, unless said team is the Cubs. (Note that Rule (6) trumps Rule (5)).


    • I like rule 3, and I think I’ll adopt it into next year’s iteration of the rules — though it’ll be tougher for anyone following my rules, since they limit the chances of rooting for teams in both leagues.

      Clarify, please: I think you’re saying that you can still root for the Cubs even if rule 6 would normally apply. Correct? If so, does that exemption expire if they do some day win another World Series?


      • Yes, your rewording of rule 6 is better.
        The Cubs’ winning another World Series would possibly result in a singularity, so I can’t say what would happen to the exemption afterward.


        • MLB, and even the Cosmic All, survived the Red Sox winning another World Series, so I don’t think the Cubs winning one would result in anything more than the destruction of a couple of minor universes that no one was using for anything important.


  5. Pingback: Root, Root, Root, for…??? | Koi Scribblings

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