Excuse the language, but WTF?

Subway, the ubiquitous sandwich shop is involved in a promotional deal with the upcoming “The Lone Ranger” movie.

Weird pairing, but OK, there have probably been stranger ones.

But the commercial (see below if you dare) takes it to a whole new level of otherness.

“The legendary duo, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were destined for one another. And destiny brings together smooth avocado and crispy bacon…”

So if I follow this correctly, Avocado and Bacon are soul mates, fated to be the subjects of endless slash fan fiction.

Or maybe they’re trying to use analogy to tell us that the Lone Ranger is best served mashed with tomatoes, onion, and garlic. By that logic, then, Tonto should be fried on a hot grill. Nah, I must be reading too much into the commercial. Subway seems to pride itself on its use of bland, inoffensive ingredients. Cannibalism is probably stretching things a bit.

Moving on.

Avocado is apparently a bit of a slut. The commercial goes on to tell us that “…Avocado can partner up with any sub…” What happened to that destined pairing? Are they now trying to tell us that Avocado is a professional domme, selling itself to any submissive in need of a good whipping? But if so, why is it the avocado that’s mashed on those sandwiches?

Now, I know you’re all thinking I’m crazy. But before you dismiss my speculations, consider that Subway founder Fed Deluca has wrestled alligators in support of Native American causes. The avocado is also known as the “alligator pear”. Still think I’m crazy? One final piece of evidence: The Hass is the most popular variety of avocado in the world and is well-known for its large size and distinctive coloration. It was developed in the early 1930s. The Lone Ranger is closely associated with his hass hoss horse Silver, known for his large size and distinctive coloration. The radio show first aired in 1933. Seems pretty conclusive to me.

(334 words)

7 thoughts on “WTF?

  1. close. but wrong ds side. Avocado is a pro sub willing to be whipped for money. Lone Ranger is the bacon. his 6 shooter sizziling like a slice of pork belly on a hot griddle. Tanto is much more likely to be an avocado then a piece of pork, more natural in a way.


    • Avocado can’t be a sub. The commercial says it pairs with subs, and sub/sub pairings rarely work out. And the Lone Ranger was always sparing with his bullets (wouldn’t you be, if you were paying for silver?), so it seems unlikely his gun would be sizzling. Tonto was, if I recall correctly, from a tribe in the mid-West: not exactly avocado territory.


    • I thought about it, actually, but decided not to use it until I do a (currently hypothetical) Rule 34 post. I just might have to come up with a subject for that now…


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